I am in awe of God's love for me!
With Monsignor Benjamin Razon, my angel who lead me back to my Lord Jesus! God bless his soul!
There was a time in my life when I felt so far from GOD. I spent my days crying out of fear that I would end up in hell when I die. I prayed and prayed, begging GOD to have mercy on me.
One day, God answered my prayers. He led me to a church near our place. Upon knowing of such parish, I took the opportunity to go there and hear holy masses whenever God would give me a chance.
As days go by, I began to get to know the committed servants of that parish.
In my prayers I began to ask God, “Is there someone here to help me regain my faith that You still accept and love me, Lord? I feel like I have done a terrible sin that might have greatly offended You.
If you have sinned against the Lord Jesus, the first thing that comes to mind is to ask for forgiveness.
I am reminded of the story of the “Prodigal Son” in the Holy Bible.
I could very well say that out of God’s gracious mercy, I have never lived such kind of life.
I may have stumbled and fall every now and then but not to that extent of wasting God’s blessings and provisions.
I am grateful to God that He has given me the grace of having the so- called “fear of the Lord that leads to wisdom”. I believe it’s what kept me from falling away from my faith in God.
My life is a collection of stories full of sufferings and hardships intermingled with triumphs and lasting joy of having experienced the tremendous love of God.
If I would be asked by God to live another life, that is to be born again into a newborn baby. I would gladly tell God that I’m willing to live the same life I am having right now. No changes at all.
I would be a hypocrite if I tell you I didn’t have my frustrations and heartaches with my loved ones but life would never be the same if I’m going to have other people in my life to love and live with, given a second chance in life. Yes! I had my shares of anger or outburst of emotions, … but of course, I’m only as human as everybody else is. I’m no perfect. I never say I’m perfect. Everyone else has flaws and imperfections like me. We were created like that so that no one can boast of his or her own deeds. We know for a fact that we are nothing without God. That’s why we say, “We are a work in progress. Or I am a work in progress. It is by the grace and mercy of God that we are saved. Thus, we say and proclaim, ‘My Lord Jesus is the finisher of my faith.’ I totally surrender to the will of God. For God is my keeper. He is the lover of my soul. Jesus, my Lord, my King and my Savior!”
I know now what it meant in the “Act of Contrition” – “… because I dread the loss of heaven, and the pains of hell but most of all because they offend Thee, my God, who are all good and deserving of all my love. “
If you love God and you have a genuine loving relationship with God, then, you have a knowledge of how God tremendously loves you. That is what faith is all about. To know that you can trust God completely. That fully surrendering to God meant you know God very well and that you trust Him knowing He would never abandon you nor forsake you.
Getting back to my story. So, I tried to get to know the priest with whom I would have my confession with. Every parishioner told me that Monsignor Benjamin Razon is the best priest to go to. I went there in that parish attending the holy masses hoping I could have a chance to talk one on one with Monsignor Ben. For days I spent waiting and praying to God to lead me to the right priest to ask for an advice that could help me regain my faith. I feel like I’m already condemned to hell committing a sin that God so detest.
Finally, God answered my prayers! I had my chance to talk with Monsignor Ben and asked if I could have a confession with him. I started out saying, “ Monsignor Ben, could I have a confession? “ the priest smiled and replied, “ Of course! Let’s go to the confession room. “
In the confession room, which is made up of glass walls, we both sat on a separate well decorated chairs with carvings on its frame, painted with gold situated in the middle of the spacious room. It’s airconditioned so you would feel so relaxed to pour your heart out to the priest. We both sat facing each other. I felt a bit awkward since that was the first time, I had confession without any barriers between the priest and the one confessing his or her sins. Imagine, pouring out all your shameful sins in front of another human being who’s facing you? You would feel so embarrassed letting another person into the dark recesses of your soul that is kept hidden to all the others. There’s no barriers to hide your face from the representative of our Lord Jesus. It’s like stripping all the masks, or walls that make you secure. It’s like exposing that embarrassing part of your soul to the point of being as naked as a newborn baby. What more if it was actually the Lord Jesus you're facing in that very moment? Jesus, who out of extreme love for us died on the cross to save a wretched sinner like us, ... Like me. Monsignor Ben noticed how I felt and helped me feel at ease. He asked me, “what’s bothering you, my child? Why are you here? Why have you come here for confession? “
I can’t help but wept, out of too much fear of being condemned unto hell. I shared with him how I committed that terrible sin God detests and I’m in great fear of having God hate me that He’ll throw me into hell.
Monsignor Ben gently smiled at me and said, “no, you’re not going to hell, my child. The fact that you’re here confessing your sins, it means that the Holy Spirit is still upon you. He is the seal of God in us. Your fear of offending God means that you didn’t lose the Holy Spirit. It means you love God that much that you fear offending Him. You fear offending Him because you know very well how much He loves you and He doesn’t deserve such.
Monsignor Ben has that gift of wisdom from God. He helped me realized I wasn't condemned as I thought I am.
When the confession was finished, I felt like I am completely washed, cleansed, purified by my Lord Jesus.
I was given a chance to be one of those invited by the Lord Jesus back into His sheepfold.
I, like the "Prodigal Son" was forgiven and was given a chance to live a new life with my Lord Jesus.
Jesus welcomed me like that "Prodigal Son" given a new robe, ...
I was given a new mind and a new heart more zealous in loving and serving the Lord Jesus.
My relationship with the Lord Jesus was renewed and strengthened.
When I came back to that parish to hear the holy mass, I felt the hunger in serving God.
I answered God's call to be one of His Lectors and or Commentators in the masses held there. It was my way of expressing how grateful I am of God's love for me. I joined all the choirs there and even helped all the people serving in the masses held there in that parish to the best of my abilities. I also joined all the charismatic communities I'd have the chance to join.
Out of too much happiness and gratitude knowing that I am still loved by my Lord Jesus despite my being a wretched sinner that I did everything I could to serve the parish, the parishioners and all the people that the Lord Jesus sent me to do or serve.
People who doesn't understand why I do what I do, always say that I am insane. That I am crazy.
I just smile to myself and say a whisper, " Yes! I am insane! Yes! You may say I am crazy for doing all these for the Lord Jesus! I am so crazy and madly in love with my Lord Jesus! Who wouldn't be? The tremendous love of God for me is truly insanely unbelievable! "
How about you? Have you experienced how our Lord Jesus loves you? Have you realized how blessed we are among all creation that the Almighty, Eternal God who created all of this awesome creation is so delighted and crazy in love with you that every single second you are thought of and loved by Him? Even the devil and demons are so jealous and envious of how God extremely loves us!
Have you ever thought about it?
